Why Cracker Barrel Can Cheer You Up

I have an elderly grandmother. And by elderly, I mean 96.5  So basically, she’s just old. And there’s not much that elderly folks enjoy more than some good cafeteria food. Maybe that’s where I developed an affinity for meatloaf and liver and onions. Maybe it’s just because I like iron. I don’t know. But I do know I’ve been spending more time with Meme recently because she needs more help. And by help,  I’m either shopping for groceries or buying her takeout.

Things people buy at Cracker Barrel. I had to wait 5 minutes to take this picture because of all the grandparents hovering over this State Fair rip off.

Cracker Barrel  is Meme’s favorite. I used to think it was the worst place ever.
But it turns out Cracker Barrel is a great place to lift your spirits. And here’s why:

1. You’re going to be better dressed than anyone there. As long as you’re under 70, this is a fact. Even if you’re in sweats, there’s not a single octagenarian in Juicy Pants, so they’re going to be looking to you for fashion advice.
1a. IF you’re not the best dressed, they offer a lot of knock off affliction style clothing, perfect if you’re four years behind, or you’re from Beaumont. 1b. Don’t ever wear Juicy pants. 

2. You, too, can be an entrepreneur. That’s right. IF this is the kind of stuff for sale at the Cracker Barrell Country Store, then it’s time to start peddling those hairbows you made in the sixth grade or or that really cool beer hat. Because people will buy it.

3. You have all your original teeth. Now you know what it feels like to be in the 1%.

4. They have rocking chairs on the front porch. Here, you can rock away your sorrows. Or escape the smell of moth balls and Yankee Candles. 

5. They actually have really good rolls. And biscuits. Mmmm…biscuits. And if you find a server under the age of 60, you automatically share a common bond with them and they will hook you up with so much bread. I’m not even kidding.

6. They have dogs for sale. No, not like those days on Sunday at PetSmart where all you go in for is cheap dog food and you end up with a three-legged pup. They have toy puppies. I guess I was out of luck, as there was a huge SOLD OUT sign on top of the display. I stood back and watched as two ladies try to haggle them manger to sell them the display unit. True story.

So the next time you’re having a bad day, skip the spa or dinner at Oak or overpriced shopping in the West Village.  Head out to your local, suburban Cracker Barrel for a good pick me up. And loads of carbs.


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