The month of December can be one of the scariest times in a food lovers life. This is when EVERYONE, thin and fat, uses these four words as an excuse to over indulge for 31 days “Who cares, itʼs Christmas!” I recommend removing these four words from your vocabulary for the month of December. I donʼt mean the sentence, I mean all four of those words need to be removed entirely. Otherwise, youʼre going to slip and blame your 14 pound weight gain on the birth of our Lord and Saviour, Jesus Christ. Now, I donʼt know Jesus personally. I do, in the sense I pray and (sometimes) go to church and believe in him. But weʼve never actually met.
But, based on what I know about the guy, he did want us to celebrate his birth, but he wasnʼt thinking that an entire television network would cater all their programming to his birthday with every powdered sugar, sauce dipped, and deep fried concoction possible. Iʼm pretty sure a nice steak and some green beans would have suited him just fine.
So for those of you who don’t live in a beach like climate, or for those of you who refuse to workout, I have a few simple rules. The first four rules can be found here in an earlier post this year. Refresh yourself before your wreck yourself. Then come back and read the most important lesson of all, which is:
1. Wear something that doesnʼt fit. I know what youʼre thinking. Amanda, track pants and a hoodie are far from celebratory at your company Christmas party or your neighborʼs tacky sweater shindig. (BTW, are we still doing tacky sweater shindigs? I think thatʼs over, letʼs start classing it back up a bit from now on, America.) Iʼm not talking about clothes that are too big and leave room for more cheesy, potatoey dishes. Iʼm talking about wearing a pair of pants one size smaller than what you currently wear. Donʼt tell me you donʼt own them. Everyone owns a pair of “goal” pants. I own about 15 of them. Wear a pair of pants that are pretty tight, but you can still pull over your Christmas butt.
A long sweater, or drunic (dress you call a tunic because you’re too fat to wear it as a dress without leggings ), will be just fine to cover up the bulge under your belly, or the fact you had to use a rubber band to hold the button and button loop together (a trick I learned from my pregnant friends). If your pants are constantly snug, itʼll always be on your mind before you take another bite of cream cheese covered in jalapeno jelly. Itʼs like having a free lap band built in to your closet.
What’s the craziest thing you’ve ever done to fit into an outfit? And what was the occasion?