I have really awesome parents. They usually give me good advice. And by good, I mean all the advice I listen to is good. This morning I was talking to my dad about the election and he told me to “vote with my heart.” How sweet, dad. But what he probably doesn’t know, is I vote with arrows through my head. Last election I voted for Steve Martin. And here’s why:
1. He is funny.
2. He is a self-made man.
3. He is polite (when’s the last time you heard Odumbo or Romnuts apologize like Steve: “Well EXCUSE ME!”)
4. He is a proponent of the visual and performing arts.
5. He doesn’t need a speech writer.
6. He could loosen up the cabinet into some Wild And Crazy Guys!
7. He made it out of Waco unscathed.
8. We can save a lot of money on entertainment at White House functions if we let the president do the entertaining.
Now, I don’t really care who you vote for. I’m not going to judge anyone for voting. You’re casting your vote, and that’s very American of you. But if you’ll EXCUSE me, I’m going to let the arrows on my head lead me to the polls and vote for our future kind of America, King Tut.