I just returned from a (not long enough) trip to Hawaii. It’s a great place to vacation, for sure. But in the short time I’ve spent there, I also believe it’s a great place to live. And here’s why:
1. You are thinner in Hawaii. Don’t argue with me. The scale may say you are the same weight, or maybe even fatter. But that is not the truth. In the grand scheme of things (things=Hawaii), no one notices your legs that look like they’ve been hit with a sack of nickels when they have the Pacific ocean as an alternate view. Everything in Hawaii is more beautiful than you. Please, don’t take this personal, take it as the truth. This isn’t the case in places like Dallas, where we truly are the best thing we have to offer each other. That’s why we all dye our hair, pay for body wraps, and wear foundation. BECAUSE WE ARE OUR OWN OCEAN!
2. Good Cholesterol. Doctors keep telling us that good cholesterol is, well good for us. No need to search high and low for it in Hawaii. It’s all right there in the form of sea salt. While too much NA on your bacon and eggs is bad, a nice, neck deep dip in a mild version of the dead sea is just what the doctor ordered.
3. Crocs are an acceptable form of footwear. Maybe even the most acceptable form of footwear. People wear them everywhere. To the beach, to dinner, to the prom. They are versatile, heavy duty while simultaneously light weight,and you can decorate them with cool Croc inserts. For those of you who wore Kaapas back in the day, it’s the same, but better.
4. Sundays are always a better alternative than what’s happening on the mainland. You’ll probably want to drive around the island after an amazing local breakfast (we loved Boots and Kimo’s). Don’t be surprised when you send a video titled “Sunday Morning Drive” to your friends/family on the mainland and receive little to no response. After all, you probably disturbed them from their Sunday brunch coma-induced golf nap.
5. If you go with a really fun friend, you can pretend you’re on a Thelma and Louise kind of adventure. Except, you drive an Altima for a convertible, wear workout clothes as a swimsuit coverup, and you’re Brad Pitt is some Asian guy named Kaito who is on vacation from Japan and has the reverse jet lag you’re experiencing and he’s so tiny if he stood behind you, no one would know he was there. But, hey, you gotta start somewhere. Rome wasn’t built in a day. And neither are our dreams.