Dressing for the seasons can be tricky. Where you live plays a significant role in your wardrobe. If you live in Texas, you experience summer for about five months. Since we still have a few more months of summer left, I thought we’d go over some ways to look cool when it’s hot.
A few tips for dressing in the summer months:
1. Please avoid sleeveless if you have arm cellulite. I realize if you have arm cellulite, itʼs probably the least of your concerns. But, if possible, a nice short sleeve shirt will be equally as cooling and twice as flattering. You can make an exception once the temperature hits the triple digits. All fashion fauxpaus fly out the window when itʼs over 100.
2. Black is slimming, but hot. Opting out of black is a risky choice, I totally understand. I usually just go with some bold colors on the bottom. The material is really what makes or breaks you in this category. Go ahead and splurge on some good shorts or capris, even if you risk ROCS *, itʼs worth it.
3. Wearing linen really just looks like you are wearing pajamas. Extremely thin people look chic in linen during the summer, the rest of us do not. Save the money you would spend on the dry cleaning for your linen and buy some anti-ROCS* capris.
4. Your swim suit is not a bra. Please donʼt prance around in your swimsuit visibly showing underneath your summer clothes unless you are planning to leave your house and go directly to a large body of water. The only exception here is if you are stopping at Albertsonʼs to pick up beer (Michelob Ultra, of course) for your water excursion. The only other exception is if you really just havenʼt had time to do laundry and you have to wear your bikini to work. In this case, you canʼt tell anyone until after you have left for the day, otherwise rumors will fly around the office. Itʼs better to brag about getting away with this little anti-laundry stunt later, than to fess up as itʼs happening.
*ROCS is known as “Rubbed Out Crouch Syndrome.” This typically happens when your thighs are fat and rub together with every step you take and eventually rub the crouch out of your pants. It can also happen if you just buy a really crappy pair of pants, but don’t blame it on that if you don’t have Kate Moss legs. We all know why the crouch of your pants is now paper thin.
**ROCS usually occurs on pants from the Gap. But the Gap will basically take back anything because they pride themselves on quality (or some statement similar to that) so if you can bare the humiliation, take your ROCS pants back to the Gap for another pair. How to avoid humiliation? Look that skinny little hipster salesperson in the eye so hard they have no idea how to handle your intimidation and they’ll probably offer you some of that Gap lip balm at no extra charge.