Bridesmaids: It’s Not About You

Before a girl is a bride, she is usually a bridesmaid. Somewhere along the line, one or more of her childhood/college/post-college friends/relatives, will get married and ask her to be in the wedding. Everyone is always flattered to be a bridesmaid. But every bridesmaid always cringes at the thought of whatʼs to come in the form of a bridesmaid dress. No matter how many times a girl has been a bridesmaid and had to wear an awful bridesmaid dress, once she becomes a bride-to-be, her brain becomes crazy. She becomes obsessed with looking magnificent on her wedding day (as she should), and the easiest way to do this (besides bulimia and a tanning membership) is to make sure the bridesmaids donʼt look good.

BRIDESMAIDS: The best movie ever made about being a bridesmaid. Also, the best cast.

If you are a bridesmaid, you are usually well-prepared for a hideous, tea-length taffeta dress in a color that only exits in the sea. Youʼre going to have to get over it. You donʼt have a choice, and, speaking from personal experience, voicing your opinion on your bridesmaids dress preference will get you now where, and may even land you a spot at the end of the lineup, even if you are the tallest bridesmaid.

A key element you must remember when ordering your bridesmaid dress: they size them the same way the size wedding dresses. If you normally a size 12, you will wear a size 42-44 bridesmaid dress. Donʼt worry, you can cut the tag out when the dress comes in. But you must provide your real measurements. If youʼre lucky enough to be dealing with a dress shop that will let you email or fax your measurements in, take your measurements. Otherwise, youʼll get your dress just a few days before the wedding, and it wonʼt zip.

Has this ever happened to you? Have you ordered a dress with the mentality that if you order it in a smaller size, you will have to lose the weight before it gets here? Yes, most fattys have done this at least once in their lifetime. Rarely do we learn our lesson, but there are three ways to remedy this situation.

*A NOTE TO WEDDING GOWN DESIGNERS: I have never been married, (please donʼt feel sorry for me here, because I know one day I will marry someone totally fabulous, or at the least, tolerable) but I do know a few things about wedding gowns. If any wedding gown designer in the world is reading this, please here my plea. MAKE WEDDING GOWNS A SIZE SMALLER, NOT FOUR SIZES BIGGER THAN OUR NORMAL SIZE. Most brides spend way too much money getting in shape and starving themselves before the big day. How depressed would you be if you dropped from a size 8 to size 4 for your wedding, then come to find out you have to order a size 22. Then have it altered. This is the most insane sizing chart that no woman has ever been able to crack. It makes us common folk believe Monique Lhieullier and Vera Wang are actually men.